Please, please, please, God, help me not to vomit this afternoon. I’ve already taken my meds for the day and it is beyond nasty to have them pass through my throat and mouth again.

Extreme nausea is a new-to-me side effect of sleep deprivation (voluntary or otherwise), rearing its ugly head on our trip north in June. I suppose it’s a sign my body’s not as young as I think it is.

Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat

Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she’s three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won’t sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
(well you’re never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what’s that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War)

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing, filled with lists
of things to do and things I’ve done
Another sleepless night’s begun

 Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won’t sleep
I countdown, I look around

 Who needs sleep?
(well you’re never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what’s that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War)

There’s so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I’ve never found
With all life has to offer,
there’s so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can’t avoid
© BNL Robertson & Page

It was love at first listen to this song; unfortunately, I identify with it all too much. Right now, in particular, as I’ve not yet exited beta stage tonight. Many, many things on that To Do list, miles of ‘shoulds’. Some have expired, thus occupying an additional spot on the Things I’ve (Not) Done list. A small mixed sample:

• Election posts (doomed to results commentary now)
• Photos, photos, photos. Photos from the State Fair; from a recent unplanned substitute for the closed for private party XRKade trip at CEC; visiting Idaho & Utah; vacation in Colorado; Halloween; birthdays; and pics of the ordinary everyday cuteness & various milestones.
• Posts about reconnecting with dear friends from middle school
• Visiting other blogs
• Commenting on posts (frustrating to miss out on good conversations)
• Making plans for our 12th anniversary this week
• Increasing my worship time & energy
• Increasing my energy, period.
• Doctor appointments (overdue on immunizations, finding pelvic pain diagnosis)
• 2009 school plans
• Family portraits
• Scouts (they’ve missed more than I’d care to admit this fall)
• Reciprocating dinner & game night invites (another double lister)

We have a family daily dozen (another post for another time), twelve things we want to do everyday. Mentally accepting & letting go of whatever doesn’t get done is a major battle for me. I want to prove to myself that I’m capable enough, intelligent enough, strong enough and doggone it, to have people like me. Can I do better than that MP robber in the lingerie store as I strive to adopt, adapt and improve? I dream about that woman sometimes, the one I want to be.

Ah, to sleep, perchance to dream. Or the current hope in my case, perchance to sleep.