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03/31/2005: "...out like a lamb"

For me, March certainly came in like a lion, roaring, alternating between the exciting and terrifying. The calendar filled with activities; doctor appointments, birthday parties, church socials, temple trips, sleepovers, Easter festivities and the usual library visits, home teaching appointments made their way onto our schedule. And then, my illness reared its ugly head, and it seemed like the world just dropped me off at the hospital and went on its merry way.

Patience truly is a virtue, one I feel I have to some extent with everyone but myself. I had a hard time with the length of time I was away from my family, battling a growing frustration as the days passed. I have a friend whose due date is within a week of mine, and she is on bedrest to stop her placenta from detaching further. This is her seventh baby, and she is taking the limitations rather well because she sees that she needed to slow down from the pace she had for December-February. Talking with her helped me to realize that I can use my forced 'downtime' for higher purposes than the self-beration i tend to lapse into when I'm feeling "broken."

My good friend Jaime (Hi Omaha!) wrote to me last night about feeling broken. She said that she'd been journaling about this subject for the past year, and that what I had mistook for damage was really an opening-- an opening to feel, to be cleansed and to be healed. A broken heart is open to the Savior, to be molded in His hands to be what He wants us to be.

No one is an island, for our existence is touched by those we surround ourselves with throughout our life. I'm grateful I don't have to know/understand everything by myself, and that the cycle continues with me sharing what I've learned with others in their time of need.

March is going out like a lamb for me, with the Lamb of God as my Good Shepherd, leading me forth into the green pastures April holds. I am eager for each new day to dawn.