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02/01/2006: "...it's a helluva broken record..."

I didn't have a very good day Monday. I went to bed that night sobbing, and when sleep didn't come, I got up and started working on the oft neglected master bedroom.

Tuesday morning, I found a note from Richard taped to our bathroom mirror. Even when I'm at my lowest, he finds a way to genuinely compliment me, to express his love and support, and to point my again to hope for the future.

"Good Morning, Sweetie!
I didn’t tell you last night, but I was very proud of you for getting up and working on something that you knew needed doing, when I know that you would much rather have sunk into oblivion. I know that was hard, and I wanted to let you know that I'm trying to appreciate that.

I also applaud you for putting off your self-harming thoughts, even though you were so angry with yourself that you couldn’t even see straight–much less think straight[...]

I love you more than ever. I want to support you as best I can and I want for you to let me know what I can do to help you. We see through a glass darkly in this life, but I can see very well that you and I are still meant to be together and ultimately meant to be very happy. I promise not to give up and appreciate your doing the same. We will receive divine aid as we continue to strive to do what is right."

Richard is what I call a silver-lining spotter =) Whether he's being funny or serious about it, he can find some way to put a different spin on a situation.

It may seem like I repeat myself often in my tributes to Richard, but if I sound like a broken record, I offer no apologies because....

Timer is going off for a Duncan supervised batch of Emma's "bupcakes"

À bientôt, mes amis!

Replies: 8 Comments

on Wednesday, February 1st, MomR said

Sorry to hear you were having such a bad time Monday. I'm so glad that Richard is that way. It really helps when someone else can see what you can't quite see and help point you in the right direction or revalidate your good points. I'm thankful that he is such a good man for you. I'm glad you are part of our family. I love you.

on Wednesday, February 1st, Kimberly said

Hey I sound like a broken record a lot too. I was thinking about naming one my recent past blog entries, it's my blog, I will cry if I want to. I feel like I am real broken record when it came to my feelings over wanting to have another child and then losing yet another pregnancy. I am glad Richard is there for you, I bet you help him a lot too without even realizing it!

on Thursday, February 2nd, Tanya said

Hi there,
Hang in there, you are not nuts, you are still very much post partum and those swings are there.
Thinking of which I found a site on PPD, it mentioned that often it is mixed up with Bipolar disorder. Even to having hallucintations. Something to think about.

on Thursday, February 2nd, Moi said

Oh yeah, here's to not hallucinating in 2006!!

on Thursday, February 2nd, Tanya said

Here is that link to PPD, I thought you might would find it interesting to read.

on Thursday, February 2nd, Tanya said

Here I had a post and it disappeared! So I will try again.
Here is a link to PPD that I told you about.

on Thursday, February 2nd, Moi said

Thanks for the link.

Looking back, we had no idea that I could get PPD when it was happening with Elena, as we were under the impression that I was safe for having escaped it with the previous children. Feeling generally weak, I don't think we told anyone who didn't absolutely have to know about it (family included).

I'm not sure, but it makes sense to me for that to be when the bipolar first reared its ugly head, even if we didn't recognize it at the time.

on Friday, February 3rd, MomR said

That is an interesting observation Téa. but I'm not surprised that's when it could have started. I know you really struggled that six months you were here in Pocatello. If I'd had my surgery months before you came, I could have so much more helpful.

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