04/10/2005: "Delusions"music: kzion
mood: slowly growing awareness
Sometimes a person in a state of mania can have delusions of grandeur. (recall in Return of the Jedi when Han Solo was recaptured after his release from the carbonite, Chewbacca was filling him in on Luke's plan to rescue them and he comments "I'm out of it for a little while and everyone gets delusions of grandeur")
I don't think I have experienced this personally, but I have been a victim of delusions just as dangerous, which I term 'delusions of worthlessness'. It's a terrible state to be in, but unlike grandeur, there is no going down at the end, there is only up. There is some embarrassment in the realization that one has been fooled, but the power of the Savior's Atonement is not a power that shames, but a incredible love that teaches, heals and lifts.
It's just as hard to reason with me in such times, I suppose, as it would be if I thought I was Queen Elizabeth III, or ten feet tall and bullet-proof. Thankfully, the still small voice can pierce even the lowest of hearts, if sought. It's not suddenly roses with milk and honey, but even the smallest ray of light where there was only darkness before brings hope. The light brings remembrance, and the dark dreariness dissipates before the tender mercies of the Lord. How grateful I am for the knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father, whose arm is extended still.