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04/13/2005: "drifting concentration"

music: the hum of the computer
mood: not humble enough

I had to work today on staying current, focused on the here and now. I felt somewhat like Obi-wan in Episode I; I was gently reproached for not concentrating on my needs, my plans today...

Our friends with the landlord problem go to court tomorrow, most likely to be found in violation of their lease, and ordered to pay large sums of money as well as being served with a writ of restitution (eviction). My heart aches for them as I see the errors along the way that could have prevented or at least mitigated these circumstances. I only hope they can learn quickly from this, and bounce back.

It's very hard for me to understand how people can live their lives in a state of perpetual dishonesty, or willful blindness, and consider themselves to be living a good, honest life. I know we all have our areas of "perfection" and our own areas of "weakness" and I should not be considering motes and beams or anything of the sort. It literally pains me to be there, and takes away the focus from myself, where it should be...

I am grateful for my father's teachings about honesty and integrity. I have never had to wonder what I should do in a situation as an adult where it might be "easier" to just look the other way when someone else's error would potentially benefit me. Many times I have had cashiers thank me for bringing such matters to their attention; of course, being the "hey you're putting soda in your water cup, you didn't pay for that" lady at a fast food place has earned me a fair share of grumbles too =) What can I say? We all pay for "shrinkage" whatever the source.

I have been blessed for following the examples our prophet and apostles have set for us, even in such matters as scripture study. I went back to Elder Bednar's talk and studied out the scriptures he cited (Moses 1:39 and D&C 11:20), writing out the cross-references and topical guide suggestions. I am convinced that we gain power from heaven as we obey His commandments, and that we shut ourselves off from such blessings when we turn away. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him think =D

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April 2005

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