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04/03/2005: ""Stay Current""

music: KZION
mood: eureka! (without the naked part)

I spent about an hour on the phone with my dear friend Jaime tonight (wazzup Omaha!) and I come away with a new determination, a new motto. *Stay Current*

I had never thought about the counsel to stay out of debt taking on a spiritual (non-financial) role in my life. But that is exactly what the Lord would tell me right now... Don't beat yourself up. Do your very best. Stay Current.
We talked about taking the time daily to refill ourselves, how I need to evaluate through the day if I'm living beyond my means spiritually, emotionally, physically... The Lord has never counseled anyone use debt as a way of life; believing this to be a spiritual commandment as well as a temporal one, I need to "stay current" throughout the day. If I need to forgive myself every ten minutes and spend two minutes crying so I can go bed without have spent myself into the red, so be it.

Medication can only do so much for anyone who is ill. There are environmental/behavioral aspects which should not be neglected. This doesn't mean that on any given day my load is too much for me to bear, I would be the first to protest that. It means that I need to be aware of my reserves, my bank balance so to speak, and take appropriate action. Sleep debt, nutrition debt, exercise debt, spiritual debt... all add up far faster than we believe possible, and the interest compounding daily makes repayment all the more difficult over time.

As far as the feelings of frustration I carry for myself, I need to recognize that any grudge carried, even if only against myself, is a debt that will weigh me down until I forgive and let it go. The Lord has commanded me to forgive all men, and I am no exception to His commandment. I can start anew at any time, to forgive myself, learn from my mistakes and move on. This is done by staying current. I need to go to bed at night like the people heading into final jeopardy--even if I only feel like I have $1, I can go on knowing I'm current, I'm still in the game.

I don't expect that too much will change outwardly in the next little while. Below the surface, however, there is so much renovation going on... line upon line, here a little, there a little. I look forward to the day when I too have a hard time remembering when I was so critical of myself, my abilities... when I will look in the mirror and see someone who is staying current as a matter of preference, habit and desire.

Thank you Jaime, for walking with me through this discovery process. The Lord has blessed me with His tender mercies time and time again through you.

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April 2005

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