05/31/2005: "A critical month ahead..."mood: introspective
Today's OB appointment heralded the first of the FFN tests, a bottle of fruit punch flavored glucose for the test in four weeks, and an admonition to be "proactive" in the fight against preterm labor for this next month. With only three months left in the pregnancy, making sure that baby Neelix* stays inside and healthy for June is extremely important. Of course, this does not involve a huge departure from my normal routines: drinking lots of fluids, eating well, and resting as warranted. It does mean that I have to consider each contraction as the start of labor until I know the result of today's test, and even more so if it comes back positive. If all goes well, I should have between 8-10 visits until we have our baby =) This is the beginning of biweekly visits for me.
Had a good talk with Richard this morning, some about our relationship and things at home and some about items in the news, like the Arthur Andersen Supreme Court ruling.
As May draws to a close, I marvel yet again at how time flies. It seems as though I go through the same thought processes at the end of every month--fretting about results, about methods, about progress, about growth...until I have confirmation that my goals are right, my aim is true, and my efforts can make a difference regardless of the improvement needed in any particular area. I'm the only one who demands perfection from myself--no one else expects it or will criticize me for falling short the way I do to myself.
I think it's hard sometimes to feel talented, to feel so blessed with gifts and abilities, without some measure of inadequacy floating around in my head. As long as I can "distinguish more clearly between divine discontent and the devil's dissonance", embracing the former and shunning the latter, I can maintain a healthy perspective on my life.